an observation

So I’m at work thisafternoon and I was just glancing out the window a moment ago when I saw a women walking up the street neath an umbrella. This is not an unusual occurance in Vancouver except that IT’S NOT RAINING. Neither has it been raining. Nor is it about to rain. It’s not even super bright out or anything perchance necessitating a parasol. There was literally no reason I could fathom to be walking with an open umbrella on a day like today. It took every fibre of my being not to yell out the door “IT’S NOT RAINING!”

IT’S NOT RAINING!

some random pet peeves and text messages

When Layne was over to watch the Golden Globes the other day she went on a brief but fiery rant about her hatred of people who use big umbrellas – as were ever-present at the Globes due to the rain – on the UBC campus and their lack of courtesy when other people are approaching.

I totally understand this.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when you’re walking along the sidewalk towards a two or more people and neither of them move over at all. Like I don’t need the whole sidewalk but I’m not walking in the fucking gutter just so you aren’t forced to briefly pause your obviously gripping tete a tete. BITCHES PLEASE! This is so rude. And arrogant. Wankers.

One of my biggest pet peeves is people who say “but yet.” This is not grammatically correct in any sense of the English language. To be fair I’m a bit of a judgy bitch when it comes to grammar – at least with native speakers: I am far more lenient, and I like to think almost Guru-like, with those for whom English is a second language – but these two words said in concert is like nails on a chalkboard to me. I think it’s people combining “and yet” with “but” and thinking it makes their argument stronger to structure it in this manner. IT DOES NOT. I have one friend who is a very nice person, and whose name rhymes with “pain,” who uses this all the time and while it does annoy me I’ve never told him.

Hmmm, I think that’s just about enough negativity for one day.

One completely random thing that I love is when you get humorous text messages from friends for no apparent reason other than they think you’ll enjoy it.

I received the following today from a friend:

-
I just fully wiped out (full hands out sprawl) in front of nesters so I couldn’t go in and buy a banana because the people saw me fall!

COMEDY GOLD! Oh how I laughed (Stephanie Beacham styles and everything). I actually have a few of my favourite text messages saved for if I’m ever having a bad day.

-
I’m sitting in my chiropractor’s office and there’s a big sign that says ‘life’s all about balance’ but the sign is hanging totally crooked.

-
I love free booze! Yea! Weeee!

-
Snow patrol was great but I may have thrown up a little on the way home! Stella was not there but her shady distant cousin “draft” was…

That’s life…

on the proclivity of the population to rightly know

What’s the deal with “I know, right” this year?

It’s like the Black Eyed Peas of phrases having gone from being enjoyed only by those under the age of 15 – AKA total shite – to being used openly by adults everywhere.

All of a sudden I’m hearing it all over the place. It’s an epidemic! I would say it’s like H1N1 but it’s not because this is actually spreading. Seriously, I’ve heard “I know, right” on TV, at the grocery store and from multiple people during random phone conversations. It’s like when “like” pervaded the English language a few years back. Our dialect has been hijacked by those who can barely speak it and who knows where this degeneration of communication will lead?

I know, right!?

27 going on 90

My roommate Fallon and I have been enjoying hot water with lemon a lot of late and I’m starting to worry it means I’m old now. I have tried to hip it up as much as possible by using my fantastic Bodum Pavina glass cups when making the lemon water but I fear this is not enough, especially when I’m sipping said lemon water while enjoying Wheel of Fortune or Jeopardy. This is another thing that makes me old now. I LOVE Jeopardy, and quite enjoy Wheel of Fortune.

To be quite clear I find Pat Sajak, Vanna White and Alex Trebek totals tits.

D’You know what else I like?

PUZZLES. I love doing crossword puzzles and have just recently become obsessed with KenKen. KenKen is wicked. It’s in the Globe and Mail everyday. Does loving the Globe and Mail make me old, too? I’m not sure on that one.

Oooh, one more thing, I really enjoy bran for breakfast – Bran flakes are my favourite but I also enjoy All-Bran.

I have arch supports in my shoes.

I watch Law & Order.

I love green beans.

I’m torn between the following:

I’m getting old and I’m somehow EVEN MORE AMAZING with every passing day!

OR:

SCREW YOU YOUNGSTERS! Fuck off and listen to your Justin Bieber, I’m trying to enjoy some hot lemon water and a KenKen here!

That’s life.

golden globes red carpet liveblogging part three

Julia Roberts: NBC you guys are in the toilet right now.

Billy Bush: Julia!

Julia: No, I’m just saying… in the toilet!

Layne: Shit-faced Julia Roberts is the best.

Layne: What’s the deal with Rita Wilson’s shawl?

Julia Roberts: Who’s Natalie?

Layne: Colin Farrell’s hair looks like Sonic the Hedgehog but he’s still hot.

Gary: I still would.

L: I’ve already seen this clip of Monique’s limo, they’re repeating.

G: We need more Elisabetta.

L: Quentin Tarantino. He’s tied with Rita Wilson for best cape-shawl of the night.

G: Thank God they’re split-screening for Quentin Tarantino, boring as fuck. Oh, but they’re repeating footage again.

Apparently Sofia Vergara is really dumb and everyone hates her? She’s hysterical though. FASHION CAM! BEST THING EVER!

L: I wanna see more of Simon Baker’s brother.

G: Ryan Kwanten kinda looks like he could be that little bitchy gay from Will & Grace’s son.

Tina Fey: It’s not rain it’s just God crying for NBC

Billy Bush: Not even here at the Golden Globes could you escape jokes about NBC

L: You’re at a TV event televised on NBC! Douche!

G: He’s twice as smart as Vanessa Manillo.

L: He’s twice as smart as Vanessa Manillo and Natalie combined.

G: Is that other girl’s name Natalie?

L: Yes. That’s why “Who’s Natalie?” was so funny.

L & G: Laughter.

Billy Bush: We survived Vanessa Manillo.

Vanessa Manillo: We did survive Billy Bush.

G: WHAT ABOUT NATALIE!?

golden globes red carpet liveblogging part two

And we’re back.

Layne: Mr. Shu is quite excited.

Gary: Why is Chace Crawford there?

G: That’s that girl from Modern Family

L: Gerard Butler looks like one of the gourds from Fraggle Rock.

L: Calista looks nice, she’s gotten more attractive with age…

G: And a shit-load of money.

G: Split cam is amazing because Harrison Ford is boring.

L: It’s the best when non-famous people walk by, like that guy’s shoulder.

L: Why does Simon Baker get a montage with flashing lights and music.

G: Vanessa Minnillo is a fucking idiot.

L: Simon Baker’s brother is HOT

Vanessa Manillo: What’s the difference between a mentalist and a psychic?

Presenter is BEGGING RDJ for an interview.

L: Who is this other woman? She’s an idiot.

G: Paul McCartney is fucking wanker.

L: Oh look, they gave him the soft lighting. I hope they make him do the fashion cam.

G: Uh, douche.

G SIGOOURNEY WEAVER!

L: That’s a really good colour on her.

G: Life is a really good colour on her.

L: Ugh, John Liithgow and Sigourney Weaver are stuck with Vanessa Manillo.

G: That’s life.

G: Mickey Rourke got the flashing lights treatment too.

L: Of course Nick Cannon is holding Mimi’s umbrella. 30 minutes and 18 seconds.

G: Mariah’s looking pretty good.

L: Even though her tits are in your eyeballs, I still like it.

G: SANDRA BULLOCK! I LOVE HER!

Billy Bush: This is a Golden Globes Snuggie

Sandra Bullock: I’m so not wearing that.

L: Jesse James is gonna punch Billy Bush and it’s gonna be the Globes moment ever.

G: Vanessa Minnillo is an idiot.

L: Eli Roth was incredibly hot in Inglourious Basterds.

G: Tobey Maguire’s wife has aweful earrings.

golden globes red carpet liveblogging part one

Gary: Billy Bush is douche. Walking down the red carpet is not dangerous.

Gary: Why is Vanessa Minnillo there?

Layne: Oh Kristen Bell, I was hoping it was Kristen Chenoweth.

L: Oh it’s the back of George Clooney’s head. WHERE IS ELISABETTA?

G: Billy Bush is just wandering around like a fool.

G: I LOVE Tea Leoni

L: I just remember her from Spanglish

G & L: That movie sucked

L: Fergie looks nice. Good hair She must be pissed about the rain.

G: Her face looks less fucked up than usual.

L: Is that Josh Groban holding Tracy Morgan’s umbrella?

G: I think he’s high, He’s always high.

L: In fairness I think this is the least high I’ve ever seen him.

G: Tracy Morgan, worst tribute to the rat pack ever.

L: …hate…golf umbrellas…dangerous on campus…as dangerous as Billy Bush on the red carpet.

L: Billy Bush, shut up about how dangerous the red carpet is.

G: Vanessa Minnillo is dumn

In unison at Vanessa Minnillo’s fashion cam: OH GOD NO!

L: I would say one of the main reasons to see Nine is Marion Cotillard’s side boob. OOH Taylor Lautner.

G: Bradley Cooper has an odd face.

L: Who is that?

G: What’s up with Chloe Sevigny’s face pose.

G: Ok, actually, fashion cam is the best thing ever!

G: Taylor Lautner has ridiculous teeth.

L: Only 47 minutes and 58 seconds

Interviewer to Taylor Lautner: Can you tell us a little about the next movie.

Taylor Lautner: Well, if you’ve read the book….

G: Billy Bush thinks the red carpet is worse than Haiti.

L: Is that Daniel Day-Lewis?

G: I think it’s Jeremy Irons.

L: Vanessa Manillo is an idiot.

G: I hope Tom Ford’s there.

L: I think he will be it’s nominated for best picture. Actually, is that true?

G: Kate Hudson, it’s a very Nicole Kidman dress.

L: It looks like she’s put on a bit of weight in a good way. Mr. Shu, Rachel, Glee!

un objet d’art et musique

So I mentioned the other day that I want to start “Purchas[ing] things of quality that I actually want as opposed to buying something cheap that I kind of want and not really ever loving it” and to that end I today purchased the above radio that I have coveted for months if not years. I would not have generally purchased a $60 radio but it was on sale at half price and I can’t resist that kind of bargain.

I know that in today’s iPod-centric world a radio may seem like an odd object to purchase but quite the contrary friends. In fact, here is a numbered list of the many (five) reasons that I bought this radio.

1. It looks fantastic and is as much an objet as it is a radio. You sit that bad boy on a shelf and you got yourself some day-core. That room just went from bland to BAM, from drab to fab… (why is it so easy to talk like this? SHUDDER) But yes, I love the way it looks, and $30 is not a huge price to spend for this kind of art object that really will make a desk or occasional table pop and take a space from… (again, SHUDDER)

2. HALF PRICE! I know I mentioned this above, but really sometimes you just have to surrender to fate. This was the last one they had in the shop, in the colour that I wanted and was finally in my price range. No, I don’t need a rubber coated designer radio but I REALLY wanted one and this was literally a significant moment of coincidence, or fate if you believe in those sorts of things.

3. Radio’s are actually quite cool. This little gem takes four AA’s and is splash-proof so I’m going to be rocking it in the shower and at the beach come summer time. Also, I’d forgotten how amazing radio is. Like I have this little green thing that can endlessly play music for free. I once was blind but now I see, or rather I ONCE WAS DEAF AND NOW CAN HEAR! Amazing.

4. Look at it. It is me, if I were a radio. You can’t deny that shit!

5. I said earlier that I had five reasons but as it turns out I only have four so I’m going to use this bullet point to note another resolution I have come up with to add to the six I mentioned the other day. That is that I want to start cleaning up the dishes immediately after eating a meal – or at least later the same night – instead of letting them pile up becoming a huge mess and thus a daunting task that needs to be scheduled rather than the five minutes it takes if you just do them when you use them. Perhaps I can listen to my radio while I do them. FANTASTIC!

Radios are back, obviously.

Stephen Harper is a [TITLE PROROGUED]

As I may have mentioned before, here and here and little bit here and here, Stephen Harper is a douche. Not only is he a douche, he’s only gone and outdone himself – thereby making him a SuperDouche (TM), – by proroguing parliament during a time that should include discussion of his disastrous trip to Denmark and the Aghan torture scandal.

I’m completely unable to understand why anyone would vote to keep this inept pile of shit in office? This is a man who has turned Canada from nation of envy to bottom of the shit heap. [Used shit twice there within two sentences which isn't particularly imaginative. I'm going to acknowledge it but not adjust it. That is all.]

Stephen Harper is Canada’s George W. Bush and we desperately need some sort of uniting figure a la Obama to bring the country back on track under our historically more centrist leanings. The worst thing about Stephen Harper is that he’s such a fucking hypocrite! He went on and on about the “perversion of democracy” that was the aborted Liberal-NDP-Bloc coalition government WHEN IT WAS NO SUCH THING AND FIRMLY WITHIN THE SCOPE OF OUR CONSTITUTION! Then he turns around the shuts Parliament down when the direction of discussion doesn’t suit him. WHAT A FUCKING TIT!

Ugh. I can’t even stand to look at him. How is this man running our country?

resolutions shmesolutions

So I’m not usually one for New Year’s Resolutions as I think they’re a bit silly. Like if there’s something about your life that you want to change just do it right?

Sidenote: As you may notice above I have listed the recently passed New Year’s Eve as 2009 as technically I believe that’s correct but is that the way it’s referred to vernacularly or would it be New Year’s Eve 2010? I think I’m right but I’m a little confused.

Anyway, despite not being a huge fan of resolutions I have a few this year – and no, one of them is not staying more current with my use of internet memes, I still love the photobomb squirrel even if the rest of the world has moved on to flashmobs and the Slap Chop remix.

1. Purchase things of quality that I actually want as opposed to buying something cheap that I kind of want and not really ever loving it. I shall endeavour to save up for the purchases that I actually want as opposed to shopping more often but less fruitfully.

Par example, I purchased a pair of high tops at Spring before Christmas for $70 but later realized that I was just buying them because I can’t afford these that I covet with ever fibre of my being and to which the high tops bore an ever so slight resemblance. So I have returned the crappy Spring high tops and perhaps one day I will be able to afford the Y-3 shoes. Although that being said I did buy a fantastic pair of summer shoes at Spring for $25 over Christmas but that’s different because they were fantastic and not simply a substitute for something more expensive.

2. Wash my sheets more often. I don’t want you to think that I only rarely wash my sheets which, having re-read that, it kind of sounds like. Rather I don’t have a specific schedule on which I wash me sheets and therefore feel like I’m not washing them enough. Obviously, this point would be moot if was not hopelessly celibate at the minute as sex requires a much more diligent washing frequency but I think I need to establish some sort of schedule so as to be completely satisfied that I’m sleeping on fresh sheets which at the moment, truth be told, I am not.

3. Remind the people that are important to me of that fact. I think I’m generally ok at this but I’d like to be more forthcoming with the word “love” towards the people that I do genuinely love. I don’t mean “in love” but just friends that it would be nice to tell more often.

4. Continue being fantastic.

5. Eat more fresh fruits and vegetables.

6. Participate in a flashmob-style public outing.

Those seem pretty solid, I shall now have to check back at the end of the year and see how well I have done! Probably won’t if being perfectly honest but there you go. Oh, and I’m including an alternate take of the squirrel photobomb below because I love them both so much.