oh, the cage.

so ryan and i went to see mamma mia last night (more on that later – it was FANTASTIC!) and afterwords we had some drinks and then hit up buddy’s for an hour.  first of all we had to face to indignity of standing in line.  we immediately bonded with two guys (who turned out to be brothers – brent and abe, lovely) over the amount of hags being let straight in while poor helpless gays wait to enter their spiritual home – the gay bar.  oh, and also we bonded over the shocking youthfulness of some of the clientele, for whom britney is probably retro.  anyway, we bitched for awhile with our new friends until they realized that they had VIP cards in their wallets.  VOILA! we’re all inside.  fantastic, obviously.

so we get inside and grab a drink, have a dance etc.  all of a sudden we notice a girl completely off her face dancing solo in a cage next to the dancefloor.  she provided endless amounts of entertainment, but little were we to know that the cage would become the site of the most shocking event of the evening.  a few more drinks, dances, and random acquaintances later we look over to the same cage which is now occupied by a girl and a gay – again both off their faces drunk.  suddenly, or as suddenly as two people three quarters in the bag can muster, she has her legs over his shoulders and he’s eating her out!  literally, her dress is hiked up, she’s holding onto the bars behind her and he’s trying to support her while, somewhat disinterestedly going down on her.  well, half the dancefloor is staring at this point as she slowly slides down the cage and her hapless gay attempts to hold her weight and fails dramatically.  so now this girl has her shoulder blades on the ground, her arms on the floor, and her ass still in the air as her ‘friend’ continues to try and get her off in this most awkward of positions. we’re talking wasted face, now with seven chins and her minge in the air.  not the most flattering of poses for anyone.  so now everyone has gone from pseudo-horror at the drunk girl to shocked silence as the moment continues to spiral. thankfully, for the remaining shred of her dignity, the two were promptly removed from the bar.

as ryan pointed out, the look on her face thismorning when the memory of it creeps back to her will be priceless. ‘did i do anything embarrassing last night?’ she might ask.

sweetie, you took embarrassing to a whole new level.